His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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