WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize