Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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