My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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