Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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