youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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