I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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