ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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