were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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