i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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