one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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