Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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