Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize