remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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