chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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