you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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