She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize