we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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