Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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