Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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