i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize