I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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