You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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