pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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