We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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