hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize