Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize