Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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