I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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