okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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