I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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