She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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