I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize