Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize