God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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