wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize