in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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