We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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