i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize