i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize