Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize