and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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