you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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