i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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