this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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