At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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