Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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