I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize