I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize