Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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